So I was preparing dinner last night (well, when I originally wrote this at least….to you it might have been weeks ago). From deep down within my soul (stomach), I could feel a magical warmth brewing. After just a few seconds, that warmth had left my anus as a deep bellowing…with a “snorkling in the Papalaua Wayside” (Maui, Hawaii) kind of sound. A very impressive audible accompaniment worth mentioning.
Yes, it had an aroma to it. However, the aroma wasn’t as strong as I had hoped (because let us be honest…who doesn’t enjoy the smell of their own freshly brewed stew?).
As usual, with the pride of a little boy who just pooped in the big boy potty, I yelled at my roommate – “Hey Mikey! I just farted!”. Not because I wanted to warn him, but because I like to let people know that I farted. For personal comedic value, I always hope when they hear me say this…that they picture a brownish green gas exiting my hairy buttsack. He was supportive.
Will my food be okay?
Right after I farted, I opened the refrigerator door. Then I thought to myself…SCIENCE!!! In order to open the door, a certain amount of air needs to enter the fridge to replace the air that is currently already in it. Being so close when I farted, most certainly some of my fart had entered the large cooling box. Meaning that when I closed the door,..some of my fart was left inside of the refrigerator to cool.
After a few seconds I was like…”Hmmmm, I wonder which foods in my fridge are actually protected from my cooling fart particles?” – So I opened the door to look for uncovered foods. Luckily, all of my foods were covered. However, I did have a can of organic root beer that I might have forgotten to rinse off before I drank from it. It is very possible that I put my lips on the can of a soda that my cold fart particles has rested on. Also, is it possible that the fart seeped in through the holes of the strawberry carton and slowly but surely embedded itself into the seeds of my favorite fruit? Possibly making the strawberry…more of a fartberry?
The point of this post??? Don’t fart near your fridge unless you like eating cold farts!